My name
is Ray Dickens. About one year before the crash, I was in a military high school,
graduating in the top ten of my class. I was in the best shape both physically and
mentally. I had even talked to Air Force recruiters who were interested in me.
I knew that could be an option for me but I also wanted to try other things.
I had a carpentry job for a while, and it felt good to see the progress of
something that I had built.
Then on
June 27th, 2000, I drove to pick up my friend, Dom, from work. I noticed Brian at
the gas station on the corner. I only knew Brian from school, but we had
something in common, a car, a Mustang. I decided to stop and talk to Brian
before I picked up Dom. It was all about the car. It’s at this point, that
my life took a horrible turn for the worse. It’s not clear what happened next,
but I do know that I got into Brian’s car, and we went for a ride. To this day,
I hardly remember getting into the car. The next thing I recall is waking up
in the hospital, about a month later. My jaw was wired shut, and I had tubes
coming out of everywhere. I was a mess. I was told where I was, what day it was,
and that I had been in a car crash. It was hard to believe. A whole month of
my life had passed, and I had missed my 18th birthday.
I was in the hospital for
three months. The first month, I was in the ICU. It wasn’t clear if I would live,
or if I did, whether or not I would ever walk again. I had lost a lot of blood
because of a severed liver. My spine was fractured, causing severe nerve damage,
and almost paralyzed me. My hip and pelvis where smashed. My femur snapped in
half. My chin and jaw were broken, and my front teeth where knocked out. My
nose was also broken. I was a wreck. I was told that we had hit a telephone
pole, going between 70 and 80 mph, and I was ejected
In the
hospital, I had gone from being in tip-top shape and about 140 lbs, to a 98 lb.
vegetable. It was a few months before I was ready for physical therapy. I had
to relearn how to do everything. It took me at least four months to walk again.
I had to use a wheelchair, a walker, and then a cane. I had to be taught bladder
control. I didn’t eat or drink anything for at least 2 – 2 1/2 months, because
my mouth was wired shut. It was all pumped in through a tube in my stomach.
I had an air tube (a trach) in my neck, a rod in my leg, pins and plates in my
hip, a plate in my chin, and a tube in my liver. None of this is normal for an
18-year-old kid. I’m not sure if I felt like an infant, or a senior citizen.
I felt so dependent on my mom. One night, I went hysterical, motioning for my
mom, because I couldn’t talk. Liquid had built up in the trach tube and it felt
like I was going to choke to death. The nurse was grabbing my hands to keep
them away from the tube, but she didn’t see what was wrong, what she had
forgotten to do.
When I got out
of the hospital, it wasn’t over. I was still on at least a dozen medications,
and in great pain. I spent most of my time in bed, and going to physical therapy.
My mom had been through a lot. She still had to take care of me everyday. We
had to buy a special mattress, so that I could get to sleep. I had to get
special shoes and socks, because my feet swelled up so bad and changed colors
when I went back to work. I felt guilty about my family missing my sister’s
birthday, because they were taking care of me. My Mom stayed by my bedside
many nights, and lost sleep. That put a lot of stress on the family.
Moving
on with my life hasn’t been easy. Every day I have to deal with all of the aches
and pains. I feel that everything wrong physically will not improve. My theory
is it will probably get worse over time. I can no longer be as physically active
as I once was. I really wish I could be. Brian definitely took something away
from me, and I feel it’s a part of my youth. Doors that I thought would be open
for me are now closed. Both the Air Force and construction/ carpentry, I would
still love to do. Neither is an option in my life right now. I was a volunteer
at Head Start. In the summer, I volunteered at a Boy Scout camp, helping with
kids, but I have lost the motivation to do that anymore.
I am
currently living on my own, trying to make a life for myself. I feel like I
am back at the beginning and that all I’ve completed has been erased. I used
to think that I could do whatever I put my mind to. Now it’s a matter of whether,
or not, my body is up to it.
I ran
into Brian at a friend’s house and asked him what he thought of all that’s happened
to me. He said, “I have no remorse”. I had nothing to say after that. I just
went home. I try to forget the past and move on, but it’s very hard when I smile
and see missing and crooked teeth. It’s a constant reminder of how my life has
changed forever. It hurts to know that Brian spent only 1 1/2 months in Jail.
That’s less time than I spent in the ICU. I just wish Brian could have the scars
that I carry with me, the aches and pains I deal with everyday. I’d like to see
him “walk a mile in my shoes”.
